How To Handle The Breakup - By Kayla Brooks
HOW TO HANDLE THE BREAKUP YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE TO HANDLE
BY KAYLA BROOKS
Now realistically I've actually only had 3 breakups in my life, but three is DEFINITELY enough to know how much they suck. The first two were in middle school, one I initiated, the other I got dumped and little eighth grade me was CRUSHED. I remember going home and sitting in my backyard and just BAWLING. I thought that was the worst it could get. Reminder, this was middle school. A couple years passed and I had been single and more single for the first couple years of high school. Then the unexpected happened. I fell head over heals in love with a friend who I had known for years. Literally no one saw it coming. I could go into detail and this could be the longest story known to man, but the long story short of it is we dated for two years, like any serious relationship there were ups and downs, but overall it made me so happy. And then it ended. After two years, a relationship like that is so incredibly intertwined into your life. Your friends, your family, your daily routine, everything. And let me tell you, even as a senior in high school, with us both going to different colleges, I didn't see this relationship ending. Maybe not ever. But, it did. And it sucked. The night he dumped me it came out of NOWHERE. I was just about as blindsided as you can get. Now if I could tell little middle school heartbroken Kayla one thing in that moment, it would probably be "suck it up and get over it cause I PROMISE you the heartbreak you are feeling now is NOTHING to what you'll be feeling in a couple years". I cried for like three days straight, right as he was leaving my house that night I genuinely almost vomited. It's a completely incomprehensible feeling until you've felt it. And aside from all the feelings of betrayal and hurt and mourning, I was terrified. There was absolutely no way in the world I would ever get over this. This feeling was never going to go away and I was going to be a miserable, lonely cave monster for the rest of my life. But I can tell you now, seven-ish months later, that the feeling goes away, and if you're going through heartbreak, I promise you won't be a miserable, lonely cave monster for the rest of your life.
So, now that you have the backstory, here's some things I've learned through all this;
1. Lean on your friends. They are there for you and they want to help, and maybe they've been through what you're going through. Remembering that I had friends who love me unconditionally was the difference between feeling completely lost and alone, and continuing to feel loved without being IN LOVE.
2. You are still a human being that needs to eat and shower and maybe go to school or work. I hid in my room and did nothing, had no appetite, didn't go out, for at least three days post breakup. I mean my whole world had been turned upside-down! But eat anyways, because you'll be happier. If you just eat cake for three days that's fine! Just eat something. And take a shower, and maybe cry in it, but there is something miraculous about a warm shower and washing your hair and your body that washes away some sad too. And most importantly, don't stop living your life. Let your friends distract you, throw yourself into your work, do something for yourself.
3. Remove them from all your social media feeds. I know this one sounds harsh, but I had an amicable break up and decided I didn't need to do that, and it made it so much harder to get over him. It doesn't have to be an "I hate you and I don't want to see anything about your life ever again", it can just be a "I need time and space to heal". That's okay. On the note of social media however, it is to be mentioned that I didn't delete a single photo of him off my social media. You can go look! Because those are memories that are a part of my life, and even if the last thing I wanted to do then was look at them, I knew I'd want them there someday.
4. Feel your feelings. As much as I've said distract yourself and go out and do things, blah de blah, also make sure you're experiencing your feelings. One of the worst things you can do in a traumatic or emotionally intense situation is not feel those feelings. I promise just cause you're bottling them up and not feeling them right now, it doesn't mean they aren't there. And you WILL feel them at some point. So feel them as they come. Work through them, acknowledge them, and let them pass on their own.
5. Know that it probably won't go away in the blink of an eye, but it will go away. This one is a bit of a story time. I got dumped in April (I believe). By prom in June I was doing okay (that said going to prom in the dress you were planning on going with your now ex in is a weird feeling), by July I had recovered enough that my ex and I could be friends-ish. By September when I moved from Seattle to Bellingham for college, I was good. Like happy, completely over him, excitedly involved with someone else, good. And I'm still good. I am thankful for what I have been through and who I am now. But just like, two weeks ago maybe, he changed his relationship status on Facebook. And I took one look and BAWLED. Now everyone reading this is probably saying "Duh Kayla, if you were crying about him getting a girlfriend you're definitely not over him". But, you're wrong. I cried because in that moment I realized that I was happy to see him happy, and that I felt just as happy and satisfied in where my life is. And yes, there was some other emotion in there, because that one little thing on Facebook makes it as sure as can be that that chapter of my life is closed for good, which is a little scary, but it's okay. It's okay now and it's going to be okay in the future.
So, in conclusion, heartbreak can literally be the world as you know it ending, but that doesn't mean there isn't a new, wonderful world that will come next, and you will be okay, and it will be hard and it will take time, but YOU WILL BE OKAY.
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings"